Life With Brookelynn

9/8/2013

Dear Brookelynn,

Today, you are two weeks old. I'm pretty sure that if I wouldn't have been induced you still would be inside me. And though I enjoyed our 39 weeks and two days together, where it was just me and you; I'm so very happy that you are here in our world. Not just because I feel incredibly healthy after feeling sick for nine months but because I absolutely adore you.  And though the scent of heaven is slowly fading and the smell of stinky dippers and formula now feel the air at our home there is more love in our lives than ever before...even if I have to share you now and I am no longer the only person who can feed you and feel every little move you make, I will never be that close to you again but our hearts will always belong to each other. 

At two weeks old you already have a personality that emerges in between your sleep. And that cute, spunky little personality has  made it impossible not to give you nicknames already. Besides, Brooke, Brookie and Brookie-Lynn...and our Sweet Sleeping Beauty, we have Tudie (for Miss Attitude).  You are truly your Mother's daughter, not only are you an exact replica of me as a baby; my mini-me, your personality is very similar. You know what you want and you make it known (I  believe its a great personality trait to have, despite what others may think). Then there is Piglet, you just can not get enough food and you need to eat every couple of hours (another trait you got from me). You make the weirdest noises and grunts as you eat and you even hold your bib up so you don't get milk on your clothes. It really is the cutest thing 

And of course there is the expected nicknames, Princess, Pumpkin, Sweet Pea, and the little bean as GeeGee (or should we call him Gramps, Grand-Dad, Grandfather or Grandpa...It still changes daily) likes to refer to you. 

Then there is peanut, you gained a little weight since coming home, weighing in at 7 pounds but your still too small for all your clothes and headbands. You are still in newborn clothes. Mommy just can't wait to dress you up! And believe it or not it seems you have the fashion gene as well. You get excited to put on shoes and you light up when something regarding fashion is on TV (at least it seems that way). And after we took some newborn pictures of you, we quickly learned your a little diva. Most newborns sleep through their first pictures which is what I was hoping for (I wanted sleeping angel pictures) but no you had to pose and strut your stuff. You even showed off your Princess  wave.  

And as you did in the womb you have a love for music, specifically Blake Shelton. And of course you love your theme song, 'Hey Pretty Girl' sung by Kip Moore.  You also love to listen to the movie Pitch Perfect as you eat. Maybe it's bad that Mommy and Daddy already let you watch the TV (people can judge if they want to) but it works for us. 

Your growing so fast, you lost your umbilical cord stump and you are already attempting to roll over, you've done it twice (but, I'm sure it was a fluke). I know you can't stay this size forever but I wish you could stay in each phase just a little bit longer. 

Did I say I wanted you to stay in each phase just a little bit longer? Maybe I should say, you can get over your colic phase ASAP! 

Ever since you were one week old you've had colic and every night like clock work you scream at the top of your lungs and Mommy and Daddy feel helpless. But we have some new tools to use and the last two nights we actually got to sleep before 3 AM. We have the cold humidifier on, your bassinet is now next to my side of the bed (Daddy had to have you next to him the first week in a half because Mommy's incision made it hard for her to move quickly), we have a ultrasound doppler playing as white noise, we give you gas drops at your last three feedings for the night, and sometimes Mommy has to hold you for two hours before putting you down to sleep (by the way you can not spoil a newborn). We also have a bedtime routine where you get a bath and a massage. And Mommy and Daddy have a feeding schedule and make sure you stay up right for 20 minutes after each meal. I hope I didn't just jinx our luck. 

Life since you arrived has changed significantly but we wouldn't change it for the world! Life with Brookelynn certainly changed us for the better, at least I know I have a lot more patience and the little things don't seem to bug me as much...as long as the house stays picked up. Week 3 adventures here we come! -XOX! 

The Birth Story-Part 2:

Part 2:

It's now Sunday, August 25th at 12:05 AM and I'm needing yet another pump from my epidural. Now I am beginning to get nauseated. At 12:20 they gave me some Zofran and 12:25 I needed yet another pump from my epidural. At 12:55 my epidural is not working. They are beginning to think I have had it for too long and may need a new one inserted. At 1:00 I am checked again and I'm at a 5.  At 1:08 they give me Lidocaine. At 2:14 they provide more medication to my epidural and up the Pictocin to a level 10. By 2:30 my epidural needs to be upped again and more Lidocaine is given to me at 2:45. 

While I am experiencing the worst of my labor (throwing up and all) Rachelle is peacefully sleeping on the couch in the delivery suite. We are all shocked she hasn't been woken up. By this time Daddy's thumb has no feeling left from Mommy squeezing it. 

By now I'm pressing the epidural button every 15 minutes on the dot. At 3:15 they place an internal catheter to monitor the strength of my contractions. They have to do this to determine if my contractions are strong enough to create a change in my cervix. I'm still at a 5 and have been having enough contractions that something should have happened by now. At this time Rachelle wakes up just in time to release Glammy who has to run out of the room before she gets sick. 

At 3:46 they gave me D5LR which is a type of saline with sugar to give me energy and hydrate me more because they are hoping I'm going to be pushing soon. By this time I have thrown up six times. 

The doctor comes in to check me again and realizes you may be stuck in the birth canal. Your head is beginning to cone and when that happens so soon it usually means the babies head is too big, the pelvis is to small or the cervix cannot dialate beyond the point it's at. We now have to be monitored for a few hours to see what is happening and the Pictocin game begins. 

At 4:17 they up my Pictocin to increase contractions, they need to be measured at 200 for the cervix to dialate. They are reaching that level but with no change to the cervix. By this time, I know I'm going through this for nothing and I'm going to have a c-section. I've known all along. At 4:22 I begin pushing the epidural button again. And at 4:38 they give me more epidural medication because they are increasing the Pictoin again. At this time they flush the catheter as well. Let me tell you, back labor is a bitch!

At 4:51 they pump more fluids through me and I am pressing my epidural button religiously every 15 minutes. At 6:27 the doctor comes in and there is no change we decide its time for a C-section.  At 7:00 I was rolled into the operating room and that's when things went from bad to worse. 

They decided to take my epidural out since I had, had it for nearly 24 hours and it was no longer working (they even put spinal block medication through it at one point and it didn't do anything for me). They complete the spinal block which was not as bad as the epidural. And as soon as they layed me flat I mustered to say, 'I can't breath.'  They told me I was breathing but I had a high spinal and it makes you feel like you can't breath.  It was getting worse. I couldn't talk or breath. I was having a full on panic attack in my head and an out of body experience. They give me oxygen but its not helping. My lungs were paralyzed. I just know I'm going to die when my hearing goes out. The anesthesiologist asks me if I want to take a nap, I shake my head yes and that's the last thing I remember before I saw you.

Unfortunately because my c-section turned into an emergency  because of the high spinal neither Daddy or myself got to see you be born at 7:11AM. I remember coming to and beging able to breath more easily but my throat hurt from being intubated. I remember seeing you but not knowing where you came from. By 8:00 we are in the recovery area. Everyone says you are the most perfect baby they had ever seen.  Daddy even over heard them while we were in the operating room. One of the nurses said, 'you have to come see this baby, she is perfect.'  

In recovery they gave you a bath and Glammy, GeeGee, Unkie and Rachelle were able to come visit us.  And by 10:30 we were taken up to our official recovery room. We finally got to hear our lullaby. 

I'm so amazed at how much you look like me and Unkie when we were babies.  And I'm so ready for some real food. So when the nurse tells me I need to fart you can bet that's what I did. By 3:15 I was eating solid food. And at 4:13 Daddy was on diaper duty as you passed your first meconium.  You had three more of those surprises for him. 

The 25th was the happiest and scariest day of my life, I am so thankful everything turned out ok and we are both healthy and strong. 

The next day (8/26) they removed my catheter and when they told me they would have to insert it again if I didn't urinate so much in 6 hours I made sure I did, by 8:30 I had gone more than half of what they expected. I even took my first bowel movement which really impressed the nurses that day since most people don't go for a week after they go home.  But, I had an amazing surgeon, Dr. Moreno-Hunt and I didn't really even notice I had just had surgery other than the bandage around my lower stomach. I was lucky too, to only have internal stitches.  The only problems I have is some hearing loss from my high spinal. Hopefully it gets better over time and as the swelling in my body goes down. 

We got to go home on August 27th, just two days after you were born, Mommy is healing quickly and is so in love with you.  We did it, we made it through together. Uncle Scott was right, everything would be ok and you look just like the baby he showed me in my dream before you arrived in my belly. Welcome to the world Princess Brookelynn.  And proving there is a heaven. You are absolutely perfect all 6.14 pounds and 20.25 inches of you.  -XOX!

Ps.  This first week has been eventful I must say but Mommy and Daddy are getting the hang of it (slowly)..,and since Daddy has to help out so much, maybe you could let him sleep a little more. We love you to the moon and back again pretty girl!

The Birth Story-Part 1:

9/1/2013

Dear Brookelynn, 

Part 1:

You're finally here!  You were born on Sunday, August 25th at 7:11 AM at Kaiser, Roseville.  It's a day I will never forget, it was the happiest and most frightening day of my life.  But, before we discuss your arrival we must back track a couple days to tell the whole birth story. 

On Friday, August 23rd we arrived at the hospital at 5:45 AM for an appointment to be induced for the second time.  Mommy was much more nervous than the first time (and as you will see for good reasons).  When we arrived we were told they had, had a lot of emergencies overnight and needed to postpone my appointment for a couple hours.  The charge nurse suggested we go to breakfast and relax.  Relaxing was the furthest thing from my mind even though I had only gotten a few hours a sleep the night before (my nerves and you crazy movements were keeping me wide awake).  GeeGee, Glammy, Daddy, and Mommy went to Mel's to kill some time. We arrived back at the hospital around 8:45 and still had to wait until 10:30 to get to our birthing suite. We were the only appointment they kept for the day, even scheduled c-sections were rescheduled.  

By 10:50 AM I was getting my IVs. Then the let down came over the coarse of the last two weeks prior to our second attempt there was no change to my cervix.  This meant we had to start all over again.  At 11:30 I was given my first dose of Miso (a pill taken orally to help soften the cervix). So the waiting game began! 

At 1:30 PM I ate lunch a bagel and grapes.  And my nurse brought in a thick egg crate for my bed so I didn't have to be uncomfortable waiting for labor to begin. By, 4:30 it was time for the second round of Miso. Then, I got a craving for McDonalds at 7:45. Finally, at 10:15 it was time for a third round of Miso. 

That night I slept as much as possible.  Daddy, Glammy, and Rachelle (even on her birthday) kept me company in between. GeeGee stayed at the hospital but slept in the waiting room and in his truck. Unkie went home to sleep and take care of Paisley. 

It was Saturday, August 24th and it was time to see if the Miso was working. At 7:30 AM I was checked.  We cheered when they told us I was 40% effaced and 1 centimeter dialated! The nurse thought that was historical that we would be so excited about such a small milestone but it seemed huge to us. 

At 8:00 the doctor decided to give me an epidural for the procedures that were to come.  Only Daddy was allowed to stay with me when i got the epidural. It was not painful at all. It just put a little bit of pressure on my spine. It was a good thing I couldn't feel what was going on. At 9:15 a balloon catheter was inserted into my cervix to help dialate me further. The balloon would fall out when the cervix dialates to 4 or 5 so yet again a waiting game. At that time they also inserted a catheter in my bladder since my legs were numb and I couldn't get out of bed to use the bathroom.  I looked up at Daddy and said, 'Are they even doing anything?' I highly recommend the epidural and a good doctor (Dr. Garvey was the best)! 

The only down fall at this time was that I could only have clear liquids.  I then decided to make a list of everything I wanted to eat that you couldn't during pregnancy. 

The balloon was still firmly in place at 3:30 so they gave me a 4th dose of Miso at that time.  At 4:23 I wanted to smack your Dad as he sat there and sniffed a package of cookies before he ate them (he says he was checking for freshness, but it still pissed me off). We decided labor must be nearing because I was getting snappy. At 6:09 I had to push my epidural button for the first time to give myself a boost because contractions were becoming more noticeable and painful. 

By this time we are growing frustrated and every time they played the lullaby when a baby was born we would get mad, where was our baby?  Rachelle had resorted to calling babies little fucks. She was beyond frustrated and feeling sorry for Mommy.  It was discouraging to know all these women were coming in and popping out their babies and here I was on day two and there was no sign of you coming.  We are all getting delusional. 

Finally, at 7:20 it happened the Fully bulb that was inserted on my cervix came out! At 7:40 PM we began Pictocin at level 2. And by 8:19 I laughed about a joke we were going to play on GeeGee.  We were going to send a picture of my belly button to him in an email titled Brookelynn.  He has a phobia of pregnant belly buttons. As I was laughing I experienced a large gush and when Daddy and Rachelle looked we knew it was my water that had broken, my mucus plug was also there (guess I hadn't lost it as I thought before). But, my nurse at the time said it was discharge (she was wrong).  At 8:25 they increased my Pictocin to a 4.  And at 8:38 I snapped at Rachelle and she began jumping for joy because she knew you must be arriving soon. At 8:52 I pushed my epidural button for the second time. Finally, at 9:14 they increased my Pictocin to a 6. By this time, I can determine I'm going to have a contraction because every time one is about to start I have a silent little fart. We are all laughing at the observation I've made. 

At 9:25 the doctor comes in to check me again and I am dialated to a 4. The doctor also confirmed that we were right my water had broken. By 9:42 I needed a third pump from my epidural button. And at 9:58 they increase my Pictocin to a level 8. My pain is increasing and at 10:07 I'm needing another pump from my epidural button and again at 10:22 and 10:44. The pain was becoming worse by the minute. At 11:00 the nurse calls the anesthesiologist to give me higher meds in my epidural because I shouldn't be experiencing so much pain at this point. I'm beginning to get worried. 

Week 38 + 6 Days: (Week 39-Is This Finally It?)

8/22/2013

Dear Brookelynn, 

This week you are about 7.25 pounds and 20 inches long, the size of a mini watermelon! Although the doctor said you are about 7.1 pounds but it could go a pound in either direction at this time. You are ready for the outside world.  You are continuing to develop a layer of fat and loosing the vernix and lanugo that protected you in the womb, it was interesting to see that shedding in the ultrasound. My placentas are still hard at work providing you with antibodies at this time. We are ready for you to meet us!

This week has been long as we anticipate your grand entrance, we are hoping we don't have a repeat as we did before. My beautiful tan has faded from the medicine they gave me to induce labor now but I have been graced with awful headaches and nausea.  In addition, I have been having consistent cramps since Saturday night (almost a week). It's been a rough week but I keep thinking about your chunky cheeks and how happy I will be once you are in my arms.  I just can't wait! 

We will be arriving at Kaiser, Roseville at 6:15 AM to begin round two of induction. I have been hard at work making sure my cervix is ready for round two!  I have been doing squats, walking around a little, eating pineapple pizza and spicy food.  I have been having more contractions but nothing too serious. I just am hoping for 2 cm! So we can start the pictocin! Fingers and toes crossed! 

Hopefully, the next letter I write to you will be about your birthday! (Auntie Rachelle will be so happy if you arrive on the 23rd so you can share birthdays!). -XOX!

Week 38-A Failed Induction

8/16/2013

Dear Brookelynn,

At 38 weeks you are about 6.8 pounds and 19.75 inches long the size of a leek! This week has been the most eventful yet...

Every last detail was ready for your arrival, the floors were mopped, the sheets were washed, the yards were clean, Paisley was sent to GeeGee & Glammy's house, and I was mentally prepared, however, I wasn't prepared to not have you due to a failed induction.  I was so confident that I was already experiencing early labor signs before our planned trip to the hospital. We went to the hospital in Roseville on Saturday (August 10th) at 6:00 PM and by 8:00 PM I was started on an oral medication to help ripen my unfavorable cervix. By this time I was so confident since my pelvic exam went so smoothly (with a male doctor even, a first for me) I just knew with the help of my hypnosis and meditation practice you would be here within 24 hours as the doctor had hoped.  

The nurse suggested that everyone go home to get rest. Your Daddy stayed with me and was pretty miserable, I told him to suck it up since I have been miserable for nine months!  And he did. Glammy was unsure if she should leave me but I wanted everyone to get a good nights rest since nothing exiting was going to happen that night. 

By Midnight when it was time for my second dose of medication I was having consistent contractions (12 per hour), though they were not painful and I only really knew I was having them because of my continuous monitoring. 

My night doctor came in and gave me benedryl through my IV to help me go to sleep it took effect immediately but of course I was uncomfortable with contractions every three minutes, a hard bed, and with nurses checking on me every 30 minutes so I didn't sleep.

It was finally morning and I had to get a blood test, I was extremely nauseated so they gave me Zofran through my IV, I instantly felt better.  At 7:00 AM the nurse gave me my third dose of medication since my contractions were finally slowing down and then that's when things changed...nothing was happening.  

GeeGee, Glammy, Unkie, and Rachelle all came back to the hospital anticipating you would be arriving later that day (the 11th) or early the next morning (the 12th). Glammy & Rachelle decided they better go get lunch (Unkie went along ) and they went to the cupcake shop to get your birthday celebration items leaving me with GeeGee and your Daddy. 

At 2:30 PM a resident came in to check my cervix and that's when I knew the induction wasn't working! The exam was the most painful experience of my life, you had moved and were so far up in my abdomen that the doctor couldn't even feel my cervix, it burned so bad I just wanted to scream but I held it together as best as I could. She said I hadn't dialated at all and my cervix at best had only effaced to 50%. 

Glammy and Rachelle returned and I immediately started crying because I thought it was my fault that the exam didn't go as well as the first.  They said they weren't going to leave me again and would be there for me for the next exam. 

At 4:00 PM my nurse from the night before was back and I told her about my experience and she said that she was going to find the best doctor around when my next exam was needed or she would do it herself because she too knew how well I did with the first exam. She gave me another dose of medication. 

I took a shower, Rachelle gave me an up-do and a foot massage, and I ate a sandwich from Panera.

Around 9:30 PM my nurse asked if I was ready to be necked again although nothing was happening and I was very discouraged. I was scared from the second exam but agreed. And she was right, she found a great doctor (Dr. Hernried) who was able to explain to me that the pain I was feeling was not from my anxiety but because of your position inside me. She checked me and with Glammy and Rachelle I was able to get through it much better even though it still hurt. Your Daddy had to leave the room this time because he felt so bad for the pain I experienced earlier. That's when we had to make the decision to call the induction a failure.  I had been given the maximum dose of medication to ripen the cervix before Pictocin would be given and nothing had changed.  If I choose to continue it would be up to 6 days of unnecessary pain and would end in a c-section. I decided to go home to be comfortable and your Daddy agreed.  We had an ultrasound and got to see you which was very reassuring. 

The good news was after being monitored for two days we learned my preeclampsia was well managed and reduced to a standing of mild. You were also perfect and not even phased by the contractions I had, had. You just were not ready to come out. We made it home and were in bed by early Monday morning around 2:30 AM. 

On Tuesday we went back and saw the specialist in Roseville (The first doctor to check me, Dr. Mentakis...he is a miracle worker in my opinion). My NST showed I was still having consistent contractions.  Dr. Mentokis then checked my cervix via ultrasound and said it was still not dialated and was effacing on its own now...but we were finally told why the medicine didn't work.  As if Mommy didn't have enough problems, my cervix is apparently thicker (much thicker) than average.  On Tuesday it was finally effaced to what the average women starts with. He checked my fluids which are more than enough and then he measured you and found you are in the 78% growth range...now I'm scared to death you may be too big to come out...but we will see at our next appointment on Monday. 

Finally, I had another NST today and there are no contractions. So at this point I am not sure where we stand. I hope there is some improvement before our next attempt but I guess we will learn next week as our adventure continues! 

Dr. Mentokis says with a good epidural I'll be fine and we are going to attempt a vaginal delivery one more time, but at least this time I won't have to do the walk of shame since if it fails I will have a c-section. At least I can leave with more than an arm full of bruises.  In all seriousness though it was a blessing you got to stay in a little bit longer so you were not considered a late preemie. The right time will be here soon-XOX!

Week 37-Full Term: The Nest is Ready!

8/9/2013

Dear Brookelynn,

I can't believe we are here, we made it to full term!  I think we make an excellent team.  Being full term means all of your organs are fully developed and prepared for the world outside Mommy's tummy!  At 37 weeks you are the size of a Swiss chard, weighing 6.3 pounds and 19.25 inches long. This week the specialist measured you and you were measuring exactly to your due date and weighed 6.1 pounds, so you are perfect. We also discussed having you early, so we are scheduled to be induced on Saturday evening at 5:15. I'm a little nervous about the unknown, but I know we have the best medical team and an amazing support system to help us through, we are tough girls! And Mommy has her secret weapon, hypnosis.  

It's a good thing they decided to induce us early because I don't think it would be much longer before you arrived on your own. I have many of the pre labor signals.  An increase in vaginal discharge-Check,  'engagement' or the sensation of the baby dropping-Check,  Braxton Hicks (and major cramping)-Check,  slight weight loss (down 1.5 pounds)-Check,  Dull lower back pain-Check,  Frequent bowel movements-Check,  Building pressure and cramping in the pelvic/rectal area-Semi Check,  A feeling of restlessness-Double Check, and the last sign of approaching labor will have to be discovered at the hospital, softening, thinning, or dilation of the cervix...although my guess is that it is effaced and dilated at least to some degree considering my cervical contractions and loss of the mucus plug.  

Everything is ready for you to arrive!  Our little 'nest' is all prepared!  I can't wait to write about your birthday and the events leading up to it! -XOX! 

Week 36-The Stork is on its Way!

8/2/2013

Dear Brookelynn, 

We have made it to 36 weeks, you are the size of a Crenshaw melon about 18.75 inches long, weighing about 5.75 pounds.  On Monday we will get a more accurate measurement via ultrasound. You are all developed and Daddy and I got to see your lungs.  The specialist was very happy when he looked at you and said, "Thank you, Baby!" because your lungs were our last concern for development but they are perfect! By the end of this week you will be considered full term...and you may make your grand entrance into the world since Mommy has begun to develop another high risk condition, we will also find this out on Monday as well. 

Your due to arrive on August 30th, but the specialist scheduled for us to be induced on August 23rd because he doesn't feel going to term is necessary given Mommy's placenta issues.  However, Mommy has what's called pre-preeclampsia.  My blood pressure goes from high to low, I'm extremely dizzy, my nausea is increasing again (I even threw up), I have persistent headaches (and since I'm allergic to Tylenol, it's pretty miserable), my hands and feet are becoming more swollen each day, as well as my face now, and I have shortness of breath every night. These are all signs preeclampsia but to confirm my diagnosis Mommy had to collect her urine for a full 24 hours to be tested for protein.  The test results show that I'm developing preeclampsia. Unfortunately the only cure for this is to deliver the placenta or in my case the placentas. This means you are getting evicted!  The specialist believes we should move the induction up before things get worse and we will finalize our game plan on Monday when we see him! I'm all for delivering next week before things get any worse, I hate to say this but I need my body back so it can repair itself.  

Speaking of repairing my body, Daddy bought me a very fancy Pilates Machine.  I can't wait to use it and get back into shape. It's my pre-push present, since Mommy's fingers are like little sausages I have to wait for a little while before I can get my real push present! 

Oh, the good news is I at least don't have to have a round of penicillin while delivering since the Strep B tests came back negative.  Mommy officially doesn't have two pregnancy issues now.  

In addition to the development of preeclampsia this week, I have officially lost two chunks of my mucus plug, it's not as gross as everyone says, but the good news about that is my body is already preparing for labor on its own which will make induction a little bit easier. I have started to have contractions as well, nothing too horrible but I can feel things changing which is also great news. And you have significantly dropped which means you are ready to meet us too! 

So, in preparation of your birthday Daddy also set up an appointment for Mommy to be hypnotized!  I truly hope it helps me to relax and keep my muscles from tensing up so the process of bringing you to your birthday is as easy as cutting your birthday cake, which Glammy is in charge of bringing to the hospital!  The hypnotist specializes in fear and anxiety so I believe it's worth a try! I go tomorrow in the early afternoon...it's also your Unkie's birthday tomorrow and he can't wait to meet you...but I'm ok waiting till next Friday! So don't try to surprise us! 

Here's to Monday and finding out are new game plan!  Hopefully, the next time I write to you, you will be in my arms staring up at me with your bright big eyes! I can't wait! -XOX!